Seeking order at midnight
*Another impulsive writing spree*
It’s all silent, yet again. Trying to find meaning when there’s none seems like a mundane nocturnal task for me. 4 walls of self contemplation while parents sleeping on the same bed. No privacy, No freedom of any sorts. Pretend to be happy or atleast don’t have a droopy face. Household tasks seem repetitive. With the cases rising everyday, no wonder this constriction is here to stay. Apparently people don’t understand. No morality towards mortality. Every corner of this place is staring back at me as it looks tired as well. I see wild plants coming out from the cracks in the cemented corners and when I bend over to uproot and throw them, I realize that I am like the plant. All growing up in an unwanted corner and removal of which shall cause no difference, rather the distasteful sight of a meek weed would be replaced by a perfection as desired by some perfectionist.
Internet has lost its value. Just a few likes is all that matters. Not getting any? You don’t exist. I feel ashamed when I find that I’m also a part of this rat race when I look at it in hindsight. The news is the worse. It’s like packaged food. Eat till you develop taste and then there’s no complaining, taste, opinion and going back.
What gives me hope then? I go around from one room to another smelling furniture and floor cleaner during the day but at dusk when I climb up the terrace, there I see a part of my soul. The clouds. No restrictions, bondage or limits of any sort. Just gliding away with no brains and changing shapes. Sometimes I wonder if god is a cloud. His fluidity is random and yet we try giving meaning to it. In vague attempts we try to impose rules and boundations on this god and his ways. Shackles are put on the idea of freedom that govern its movement. We pray for order and stability while the irony being that our prayers are being addressed to an orderless formless god that vanishes and emerges as per the law of “randomness”. All this going on, we stress, we think, we laugh and we cry because our minds are preprogrammed to expect order and structure in this orderless world. The mind is a machine that tries to find algorithmic patterns in everything and when it fails, it tries to assume certain things through much absurd logic.
If this urge for stability was absent and the mind couldn’t think, we would’ve been as significant and important as the dust below us… which we still are!
